I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that i dont have brown hair. Unfortunatly i was not born with that far superior set of genetics. I'm sorry that i am not the kind of person who will give up wearing high heels just because it weirds you out how i am suddenly almost your height. I'm sorry that i don't have the attention span to watch movies or that i have never bothered to see the titanic, avatar or any of your other favourites. I'm sorry that i dont want to sit here and listen to some inside joke between you and your friends that i will not understand and i am especially sorry that i wanted to be honest with you and tell you the truth about that. I'm sorry that i think your brother it overly dependent on you. I mean really, it would be cute if he were nine, but he is fifteen! You should be able to leave for a few hours without him begging you to come home. I'm sorry that i don't understand soccer. But to be fair you never actually bothered to teach me. And I am sorry that i am not family oriented. I am oh so very sorry that the family i have that actually lives near me does not make any kind of effort to see or speak to me and that the family i have that makes a effort lives over 5 hours away. And i am sorry that you dont understand sarcasm so you probably wont understand this post. So here let me help you. I love my red hair. I love wearing really cute heels that make me look super tall. I am perfectly ok with not watching movies. I hate feeling left out of inside jokes and i am really proud that i was honest enough to tell you. I will not hide the fact that i think your brother has abandonment issues and that you need to tell him that you cant be there 24/7. I am glad that i dont have to sit and watch a bunch of grown men fight over a ball and fake injuries. I am ok with the fact that i dont spend every freaking holiday with my family and to be honest i am just as family oriented as you are if not more. The difference is that my "family" is not related to me by blood but i spend 6 days a week with them at dance. And i am surprised that you still have not fully grasped my sarcasm, but here lets see if you understand this. Thank you very much for making me feel like all i did for the last 5 months and 2 days of my life was make mistakes that pushed you away. It was much appreciated.

With love,
from Jessie

Looking at the Bright Side of Rejection

You know that moment when you go to tell the person you like that you like them (and you know in the logical part of your brain that they probably don't feel the same way, but the emotional part is so desprately hoping that they do) and even though you thought you were prepared for them to not feel the same way, you are completely crushed when they don't like you? 


Yeah, that sucks. It sucks because you spend so much time thinking about every possible way that they could respond, but no matter what they say it catches you off guard. It sucks because no matter how nice they are about it, it is still a rejection. And it sucks because now seeing that person is so incredibly uncomfortable, (no matter how hard you try for it to not be) that you don't end up saying anything, which make things more awkward.

All of that being said, I don't regret making the first move. If I wouldn't have then I would still be wondering if he liked me, and atleast now I know he doesn't and I can move on. Not to mention the fact that I am normally far too shy to make the first move, but this time I did and (although I didn't get the answer I was hoping for) nothing horrible happened. So overall, since I am trying to look at the bright side of things, it was a good experience and I am not as timid now.  As weird as it sounds, I like taking myself out of my comfort zone. I enjoy breaking my habbits and facing my fears. How else would I grow as a person?
 

Dance Competition Season is Finally Here

All the costumes are bought or made. Most are rhynestoned and sequined. My makeup kit is packed. My "To Bring" list is printed, and my costumes hang neatly in a bag on the back of my door. I am ready... and yet, *breaths*  I'm not.

9 days until I am on stage for the first time this season. 9 days until complete chaos insues. 9 days until I am running around franticly making sure everyone is wearing what they should be and is where they need to be. 9 days. *breaths* 9 days to get it right, to make it perfect, and to get mentally and physically prepared.

This is my nineth year going to dance competitions. But this time it's different. I am putting pressure on my self this year. I want to do well. This has always been sometjing that i have done for fun, simply because I love it. This year I want to do well. This is my second last year competing, because in two years I will be going to university, and won't be able to compete anymore. That is why I want to do well.

I always tell people that I dance. This year I want to be able to tell them how good I am. I want to be able to tell them we won an overall, or a special award. I want a trophy. I want something that I can look back on and be so incredibly proud of.

These are my goals for this year:
 Not freeze on stage during my solo.
Not forget my dances.
Not fall out of my turns.
Not get comments from the judges to point my toes.
Show good emotions and facial expressions.
Win something for any of my dances.
Keep all the younger kids organized, so my dance teacher doesn't have to.
Smile. Be happy. Have fun. Make memories.


Days til first competition: 9

Colour of nail polish. Green (for st patty's day) with one silver on each hand.

My Summer School Experience

This is my first time taking summer school, so I didn't knowwhat to expect walking in on the first day. Our teacher told us to sit with someone new, which was fine for me because I didn't know anyone. Then, just as I started to feel comfortable with the 3 other people I was sitting with, he told us that everyday we would have to sit with new people. I was not happy with this because I am not good at meeting new people. But the next day I sat with new people and the day after that and the day after that and I began to like sitting with new people. It kept the days from blurring together in my mind and made the whole experience feel shorter and more interesting. I think that it has made everyone more comfortable with eachother and it makes doing presentations easier and less scary. Everyone in the class seemed really nice, and I was surprised that there wasn't atleast one person I couldn't stand.

At first the teacher seemed kinda weird, he had a teaching method that I wasn't used to and at first I didn't like it. Or him for that matter. But after a few days I started to understand why he did the things he did, and now he has one of my favourite teaching styles.

Overall I think this was a really good experience, I a lot of new people and I actually learned quite a bit. I would definatly do this again if I knew I would have this good of a class.

Five Things To Live By

1. Live passionatly

Basically if you don't love what you are doing, you shouldn't be doing it. You never know when your life is going to change durastically or even end and if you don't do what you love when you have the chance you will end up regreting it.

2. Put others before yourself

I know this one is hard to do, but it is a great way to live. When you put others first you learn to respect them, and in return they will respect you.

3. Make the smallest negative impact possible

Environmentally it is important to try to make as small of an impact as possible. In grade nine, we were watching this movie about the earth and I forget who said it but they said "we don't inherit the earth form our parents, we borrow it from our grandchildren" this quote kind of changed my outlook on things, especially on what kind of impact I have. But its not just about environment, its about people too. If you are going to impact someone, impact them possitively. You don't want to be the reason someone hurts themselves or someone else.

4. Be happy

I understand that sometimes you just don't feel like being in a good mood. But being happy, makes everything easier, especially if you would rather be doing something else. Not to mention if you give off vibes of happiness people are more likely to respond nicely to you and good things are more likely to happen.

5. Love

I left this on to last because I believe it is the most important and it ties into all the others. Allow yourself to love others and be loved by others. If you don't open yourself up and risk getting hurt you will never know true love or happiness. Sure, you will protect yourself from feeling pain or crying, but is it worth it in the end to know that you don't know true love? Believe me it's not.

Lit. Circle

Today we had our first Lit. circle meeting for the book The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. We were discussing the first five chapters and it went surprisingly well. The reason I use the word "suprisingly" is because every other time I have been in a Lit. circle it have been either horribly awkward because nobody wants to give there opinion, or no one has read the book, or two people talk while the rest listen. This group is not like that at all. Everyone gave opinions and input, and we asked and discussed some really good questions. We made predictions on what we thought would happen in situations like with Tom and Daisy, and Gatsby and Daisy, and we discussed the importance of Jordans character, and of the billboard and the green light and why people are the way they are and why they do the things they do. Over all it was productive.

Universal Perfection

What does it mean to be perfect?

"Make (something) completely free from faults or defects." This is the definition I got when I looked up this question. To be completely free from faults or defects? This is clearly impossible as everyone sees everything differently. However, in the eyes of one person, something or someone can, in fact, be considered perfect.

Most people can agree on a majority of the factors that go into being perfect. But, there are certain things that are very individual. For example some people feel that being tall is a factor in being perfect, I however do not agree with this. I much prefer someone who is close to my own height, someone who I dont have to tilt my neck to look at. I mean sure I like tall people because they make me feel small and delicate, but they also can sometimes make me uncomfortable as I am not used to being shorter that people. I grew up being one of the tallest in my class, and so I am more used to people who are shorter than me.

There are so many different shapes and sizes and colours that people come in. There are different ethnicities, hair colours, heights, weights, builds, and personalities that make up people. So since every person is so different, how can you expect that everyone will be attracted to the same thing? Perfection does exist, it's just not something that is universal.